I COULD GO BACKWRDS IN TIME....

If I could find a reason to smile,

I would find a closet of laughter...

Beyond the yellow dreams,

There lies a world of butterflies,

And blue spooky monsters!

And we are stepping closer to life...

Far- far away from our dreams.

Little bottles of bubbling soda,

Left around in the corners...

And trousers stretching at the seams,

The days when I was growing stronger –

With every passing day and year.

Those were days when I could jump –

Across every last drop of tear...

And now I grow weak with my white -

Grey hair streaking across my face.

Telling me the story of bygone days...

I can sell all my shiny watches...

Can give up on the red car in the porch

Anything to light up the torch –

To feel that I can smile once again.

But then as I have known all along,

The cost of a lifetime of tears...

Is not enough to buy a moment of smiles!

The closet of laughter is just a fairytale

That I once lived inside of...

Memories – shape them as you please,

But you can’t walk backwards in time –

Not anymore... the time socks are gone!

AS THE TIME TO LEAVE SETS UP....

Life's calling even as heart still beats
4 d plc that i'v spent those amazing four years in...
It still longs 4 d friends who got me
into living life as it were sm celebration!

M moving on as all others do...
bt wonder if winds ovr the sands of time
would sail awy the footprints frm d plcs
i walked ovr once too!!!

GETTING HERE....

It's been a long way...
And it's been a long time...
getting here.

Dark, desperate
torturous paths,
Stormy troubled times..
Lashed by bitter experiece
Briefly relieved by caring helping hands..

It's been a lonely fight...
getting here
But if life
had been kinder...
Would I have ever
discovered my strength,my faith?

Would I haveever searched..
sought and
found
my own echoing self...
in you?

It's been worth it,
getting here.

Parting Ways Finally....!!!

Through this post, I reminisce the older days...days spent with friends in college, my Alma Mater...


Aye, it is painful to go through a parting.
Bidding ‘adios’ to a loved one departing.
Ah! So lamentable becomes the ‘parting’ aura
That one gets engulfed in a dismal plethora
Of thoughts originating in beautiful reminiscence
But climaxing instead in a dreary sense.


Repeated counting of passing days, counting hours at night.
Observing them moving quickly, enshrouded in dread and fright.
Every talk pregnant with sentiments – concealed and veiled.
All thoughts emulating pikes: each heart being impaled.
This is how the feelings swell, when loved ones separate.
Actuating in hearts a mutiny, rendering distrust in fate.


But doesn’t love, in separation, shed its shroud?
Shining like the Moon, shredding the veil of cloud.
Consider this, that abject sorrow and dismal gloom,
Are fertile lands, where harvest of ‘love’ does bloom.
And when hearts beat in unison, even when they be far,
Their bonds turn iron, which even time wont mar.

PLEASE HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING...

Only love from others can break through the façade with which we mask our lives….here's sm1 who gotta say smthg bout it......




Don’t be fooled by me. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a mask- I wear a thousand masks that I am afraid to take off, and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature to me, but don’t be fooled, for God’s sake don’t be fooled.

I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within me as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that’s the water’s calm and I’m in command, and that I need no one. But don’t believe me, please.

My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-concealing mask. Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence. Beneath dwells the real me- in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to know this.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and my fear being exposed. This is why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated façade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation. My only salvation, and I know it. That is, if it is followed by acceptance, if it is followed by love.
It’s the only thing that liberates me, from myself, from my own self-built prison walls, from barriers that I so painstakingly erect.

It’s the only thing that’ll assure me of what I can’t assure myself- that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this. I don’t dare.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. I’m afraid that deep down, I am nothing, that I’m just no good, and that you’ll see this and reject me. So I play the game, my desperate pretending game, with a façade of assurance without, and a trembling child within.

And so begins the parade of masks, and my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that’s actually nothing. And nothing of what is everything, of what is crying within me.

So when I’m going through my routine, do not get fooled by what I’m saying…Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying.

I dislike hiding. Honestly, I dislike the superficial game I’m playing, the superficial, phony game. I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, but you’ve got to help me.

You’ve got to hold out your hand even when that’s the last thing I seem to want, or need.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead, only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you are kind, and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very feeble wings but wings.
With your sensibility and empathy, and your power to be understanding, you can breathe life into me. I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a co-creator of a person that’s me if you choose to be. Please choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble. You alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison.

So do not pass me by. It’ll not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I strike back. I fight against the very things that I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my hope, my only hope…

Please try to beat down those walls with firm but gentle hands; for, a child is very sensitive.

Who am I you may wonder??…

I am someone you know very well. For, I am every man and I am every woman you meet.

STILL I RISE...

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.





Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.





Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.





Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.





Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.





You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.





Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise...

JUST MOVING ON??...

The world still so beautiful,

the feelings still so fresh.

Dreaming on and on,

Is that whats called moving on?

The sudden boldness and power

with each heartbeat and hour,

and all the fears gone...

Can that be called moving on?

So tough, yet i try,

to stand firm and tall on my feet.

But its hard not to cry,

when its raining in this heat.

To walk around the alleys

of one dark door,

knowing not what lies beyond...

Disregarding open doors along the way,'

I'm moving on',I still say.

We learn as we grow.

We learn as we move.

I learnt, the word 'impossible'...

attached with forgetting a something-so-special.

People come to go in a while,

Even storms don't last a dime,

Nothing lasts forever, they say

And i begin to accept it that way.

But seasons come again,

and months and days repeat,

a new cycle always begins

and i may still be moving on-in circles!

I M IN LOVE WITH LIFE...NO MATTER HOW IT COMES!!!!

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?


You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.


Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask
How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?


You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.


Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"


You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.


When you run so fast
to get somewhere
You miss half the fun
of getting there.
When you worry
and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.


Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

IN THE NAME OF GOD....

‘I searched the mountain peaks
And fathomed every sea
I searched everywhere
Every place where you ought to be.


I searched the deep valleys,
And tried to find you there
Searched every river, every stream
But you seemed to be nowhere.


I saw the animals
Searched among the trees,
'Oh God! Where are you,
Please show yourself to me!’


The traveler prayed aloud
And he looked very grim
But as all of us know
God could not disappoint Him.


The prayer was heard
By a man passing by
And the traveler’s quest ended
When came this reply


‘Have you heard of the deer
Who searches for the musk
Whose quest just like yours
Goes on from dawn to dusk.


The deer smells the fragrance
And goes round and round
But do you know ,
Where the musk is to be found?


Not in the mountains,
Not in any river,
The musk is present
Right inside the deer.’


The traveler was happy
And the answer he knew
That God is nowhere
But in me and you.


Still, in the name of religion
The situation looks so grim
When people kill each other,
They are actually killing Him!


So let us love each other
And let our horizons be broad
Let us stop fighting
At least in the name of God.

YOU ARE SPECIAL,MY FRIEND...

THIS, I WROTE KEEPING SM1 WHO'S A REAL DEAR N CLOSE FRND IN THOUGHTS...

SO..THIS ESPECIALLY GOES 2 U,MY FRND...U SIMPLY ROCK!!!

Wanna give you a dream, everytime I watch u going to sleep..

Wanna give you a sunshine, evrytime when I see u waking up..

Wanna fill your day with smiles, everytime that we meet..

Wanna make you feel 'Whoah, what a day', everytime we are date..

Wanna tell you all off and on life, everytime that we talk..

Wanna listen to nothing else, when you are telling me your things..

Wanna get closer to you, everytime when i find you feeling not all that alright..

Wanna snuggle you closer, everytime when I find u living up best moments of life..

Winning moments, when you'll be amidst crowds cheering you up n celebrating your triumph..

Far alone in some corner, I'll be there standing, watching u n feeling victorious..

WANNA GIVE YOU ALL..WHEN I SEE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR FRIENDSHIP!!!

LUV,

Teejay.

SOME DREAM...

While tavelling to Nagpur, last summer... I eventually met a man who shared my compartment in train and left it at Bhopal station. but his elegant personality left an indelible mark on my mind.

Suhaas was his name. To say that Suhas was handsome would be to leave much unsaid. From him, radiated a tense, inflexible attraction. It was as if there was a thunderbolt in the depths of his being, of which the rumblings could not be heard, but only cruel flashes sometimes seen.

In his looks,there was a polished urbanity like some sharpened knife. His intoxicating smile was enough to attract anyone. He took just so mch care of his appearance as was necessary for his dignity and no more. His short clipped hair needed no special attention to be kept in place. His complexion was almond,with just a touch of color of his face..in his glance was the glint of keen insight, in his compressed lips, unyielding keen resolve. Every act of his seemed to be noble, every move of his poised to be dignified. For me, he was an unforgettable guy with an unforgettable personna.

But now he was leaving...going out...of my dream as the alarm rang up n I woke up to find the time piece showing seven in morning!!!

THE NOTHING GIRL

Maybe I wear baggies
and white socks with flip-flops,
maybe I don't like listening to rave
and I'm not on the social mountaintops,
maybe I don't care about the things
that make your worlds twirl,
maybe you look at me and think:
Gee, what a nothing girl.


Maybe I like giving smiles
which seems to be a sin today,
and maybe I allow my imagination
to sometimes run away,
maybe you don't understand this
and that's why you cannot see,
if this make me a nothing girl,
hey, that's ok with me!


The world makes you believe
your personality mustn't be detected,
your face must be picture perfect
and wear cloths just the best, to be accepted.
Maybe I look at you
and feel sorry that you're blind,
superficial you have became,
yourself you'll never find.


God made you, as well as me,
this means I am something,
the world is a liar
and if I must be a nothing
for you to see it,then so be it!

LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'R SORRY...

When 'SORRY' is the word between you 'n' me,

You need not say it, I'll feel your wet eyes.

I'll feel your heart burning, and mine craving

for the soothe that I've always got there,

there next to you, in your arms.

The smile at the very small triumph of mine,

the joy, above words, of yours

when we shared li'l happy, bright moments

And the tear doting at the corners of your eyes,

when you've been proud of my being...

Oh my sweets.....,

when 'SORRY' is the word between you and me,

You need not say it, I'll miss the sunshine in ur smile.

It's your love that's kept the flame burning,

It's my faith that's kept the bond growing.

Let's not walk lone on this coarse path of life so long,

For I fear I'd fall apart without you,

I fear I may lose myself if i lose u ever.

So Don't you say SORRY for i'll feel our tender love,

in that innocent face of yours...

TAKE WING INTO A WORLD OF LIMITLESS DISCOVERY

Life's often a choice between risk and comfort, between following goals dictated by values and principles and running in the hounds, between living in an enviornment and creating an enviornment.

I wish so much that one could get hold of the idea of what perfection in this world consists of. It is not like going up a great hill from which we see an ever widening landscape, greater horizon, a plain receding farther and farther into the distance.

It is more like an overgrown path which we cannot find; we grope about; we are caught up in brambles; we lose all sense of distance covered; we donot know whether we are going around in circles or whether we are advancing.

We are sure of only one thing- that we desire to go on even though we are worn out and tired. That is your life and you should rejoice greatly because of it, for it is a true life; serious and real, on which God opens His eyes and His heart.....

GREY MATTER

There were times when i loved rains,
liked it when they soaked me in their wetness..
but now it feels as if they are no more moist...
Ths life's al got so dry!!!

There were times i loved the wild orchards,
felt divine when i walked past those woods..
but nw it seems they've lost their green...
Ths life's al got so barren!!!

There were times when i loved colors,
beamed when they dazzled bright in all their beauty..
but now it seems they've lost their shine...
ths life's become al so colorblind!!!

There were times when i danced with breaking winds,
slept tight when the evening breeze took me in its lap..
but nw it seems as if these gusts hv lost their rhythm...
Ths life's got al so breathless!!!

IN THE END....

There isn't much I haven't shared,
With you along the road
And through it all there'd always be
Tomorrow's episode.
Suddenly that isn't true
There's another avenue
Beckoning the great divide
Ask no questions, take no side
Who's to say who's right or wrong
Whose course is braver run
Still we are, have always been
Will ever be as one.
What is done has been done for the best
Though the mist in my eyes might suggest
Just a little confusion about what I'll lose,
But if I started over, I know I would choose
The same joy, the same sadness each step of the way
That fought me and taught me that friends never say,
Never say goodbye
Never say goodbye

TRUE COLORS OF GREASEPAINT

Life's a lot different than what we get to see on celluloid. The greased masks, the emotions, the candyfloss, the glitterati, the papparazzi...are unlike our plain lives, wound in vicious circles of life and circumstances. It's all as false as scintillating its apppearence is.

We're draped in an altogether unknown silkened fabric, our sentiments and thoughts woven with an incredible flowing thread. The irony of it all is, knowingly or unknowingly, we relish this superficiality, this stupendous act of glamour n glitz of silverscreen, the vanity. We love to see the extremities of behavior of characters meeting up at some plot. No shades, just blacks and whites.

Heroism scaling unmounting heights and vices to no limits. The vigour, the virility eludes us to no extremes.

We try to imitate, to follow their seducing ways. We idolise them and worship like they are some Gods with ulti mate lethal strength of erotica and power of sexuality. We lose count of the times we'v laughed with them, cried, felt powerless, found our chests swollen up with pride seeing their nobility and seen glimpses of our own facets in their portrayal.