Survival or Bliss!

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode

This won't work now the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
Now I know who I'm not
I don't I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

Two Different worlds I live in...

I was sitting in the lobby of my office sipping my hot chocolate, munching on a donut and watching people come and go. A voice on the lobby television caught my attention, it was a reporter from the sm news channel. She was reporting on war, killings and poverty in a far Middle eastern country. It was such a sad and devastating report from these unfortunate people's lives that it almost moisted my eyes. At the same time a group of loud women walked into the lobby greeting one another with ear scratching screeches. Naturally their high screams, loud conversations and utterly excited hugs took over the lobby area and diminished any sound from the news on the television. Even though I was extremely annoyed by the women, yet I had nothing els to do, it was still early in the morning by all offc standards and I was so half asleep, so I remained in my seat. Two of the women were animatedly talking about how devastated they were due to the humid and hot weather. One of them was so upset because she loves her hair straight, but because of the dampened weather she is forced to wear it curly. She had even brought all of the necessary products that was needed in order to keep her hair straight, however they do not work properly with this much humidity. The weather had just ruined her time here because she really hates curly hair. The other woman truly sympathized with her friend, her face showing genuine concern, being utterly distraught. That is when both of them uttered the words "this is just so unfair"! Yes, life for them is just so unfair. I looked back at the television, still showing innocent people being shot in the streets and tanks roaming around in their city. This inhumanity is happening now. I looked back at the women again and their big smiles, I was awake now and thinking. Yes, life is just so unfair for these women.

I'm A Traveler To Unknown Places!

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you thru
O love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
Some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside
A thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Lyf's an Open road..best story nvr told!

There r vry few times in life wen u jz listn sm1 tokin' on the othr syd of phn nd d voice springs u bk to breathing elation...jz heard one off late..waiting to hear anthr! :)

I dn undrstd y smtyms we let few creaks widen up 2 b grwn as gaps and thn aftrwrds dn fill them to stop frm becmng voids...y its so hard to embrace the feeling of togethrness nd forgo the distance....y it tks us a hard, long thought b4 extending a hand bk to sm1 who once we'v held in our hearts...y aftr all??!!!

Missed over Something!! :)

Today I saw many beautiful things crossing in front of my eyes....

I saw two little pretty girls in a pic, probably couple of months apart. They both smiled delightfully, caressed each other, leaned on each other. It was beautiful. It was sweet. It was Innocent. It was true. I immediately thought of my sister and wanted to hug her and tell her how much I love her.

Then I went to a bday party. At the party venue there were many people. lots of couples. In each couple, i saw a silent union. It was invisible but very strong. I saw how much one cared for the other. I saw connection. I saw love and affection. It was the right hand talking to the left. Silly conversations, silly touches, silly comments, silly "oh do you know what happened today on my way to work?", silly "touch my hand is soft, why is your hand so rough? it must be the sweat", silly laughs, silly "do you remember what happened on our trip?", silly "I'm so full, should I really eat one more piece?", silly "sure go ahead", silly "I can't smoke, she doesn't like it", silly "We are going on vacation next week, i'm so excited", silly "its late, we have to go. We have to do things tomorrow", silly "Do you want to go to your frnd's place after this?", silly people walking down holding hands. It was beautiful.

I miss feeling silly. :)

I'm looking through a Drop..

Beyond the blue horizon
Waits a beautiful day
Goodbye to things that bore me
Joy is waiting for me

I see a new horizon
My life has only begun
Beyond the blue horizon
Lies a rising sun......

-Lou Christie(Rain Man)

Untouched by Their own Hues...

Life's not mch about the breakthroughs we make or the ends that we seek..I feel its more so, the journey itself, a newer one every new day, that keeps us alive and kicking.
And suddenly it felt as if Life's looking for some other side in me..it just is not drawing interest in the conventional 'Me' anymore. It tries to arouse in me a strong urge to take a social turnaround!

I dont know how much it makes sense for me to explore the possibility but it amuses me,yes and a lot. A plethora of speculations seems to have surfaced over me and it sure's keeping me in a diabolical state of mind...,with so mch anticipation hitting the shores of my mind lyk torrents frm every direction, I feel practically evrythg I do or say, puts up itself as a mindchurning exercise.
People I meet, the ones I talk to, the fewer ones I comprehend about things with...now I just seem to keenly observe them more than ever. My laid back avtar of sometime back has given way to a more conscientious, inquisitive me!

But I think one gud thing that's stood pervasive through all this wilderness of thoughts is that nthng has been able to thrust upon me, the otherwise natural consequence of getting judgemental. And that could be pretty well explnd by the reason that I dont mind things any more...not that I acted nerd for anythg earlier, for that matter, its just that now a part of me has got numb towards certain dynamics encompassing our lives...it just wont respond or even let me do so...infct this has brought me a kind of settling non-chalance, a poise. And I happen to like this shift towards stoicalness...this non-judgemental incline..but that or infact nothing's been able to restore my focal point and my channel of thoughts still remain fazed so far. May be this demarcates a good understanding and the clarity of thought...this is how the two would get toed across differently.

Whatever lyf's bringing on my platter stands for something I can clearly see..but everytym that I try savoring the servings, it feels as if its still ground zero...


(TBCtd....)